I Remember

So, I really don't have anything to say at the moment.  However I'm sure it will come as I'm typing.  Today...what can I say about today?  I went to the dentist  I just wont talk about today.  There are few things in life that really make me stop and think.  One of those things is my younger brother.  For those of you that know me (I mean personally), you know that I have two younger brothers.  This is true, in some sense.  When I was in fifth grade, my mom was diagnosed with hashimoto's, which deals with your thyroid, a couple weeks later, she got pregnant.  A few months after she got pregnant she started feeling sick and was hospitalized so the doctors could monitor her because of some really bad water retention.  On the older of my brother's birthday, she was released but only because she begged the doctors to let her go for his birthday.  After that it got worse, with this worsening came a trip to the emergency room and her being life-flighted to a hospital in Salt Lake City.  I only saw her once while she was up there and it was because they didn't know if she was going to live or die.  And that was before they shoved tubes down her throat to feed her and to keep her breathing.  Shortly after her arrival in the new hospital, they induced labor and my mom gave birth to a baby boy named Cort Roy Roberts.  He died shortly after being born.  My most vivid memory from that time is when they came back, seeing how scared my dad was and how horrible my mom looked.  I'm crying as I type this because that is the kind of heartache that comes with those memories.  The worst part of this is not that my mom almost died, but that I had to go to my younger brother's funeral, had to sing to all those that came to help us send him into the ground when I had never had the chance to meet the baby boy who had saved my mom and quite possibly my family.  That is one of the most significant times in my life and also one of the few that make me stop and think about how different my life would be today if my little brother hadn't died, if the doctors had monitored my mom's thyroid and possibly if I'd lost my mom.